It’s 12:38pm. I’m fixing lunch. It’s the end of Spring break. The last spring break. It’s my son’s Senior year and the first of the lasts are coming on strong. I grab a pan from the pantry trying to occupy myself. “Don’t look out the window. Don’t look out the window.” I keep telling myself. I can hear a truck pulling up in the back yard and voices yelling back and forth. I just keep my eye on the stove. I told myself I wouldn’t look. I couldn’t look. But then I did.
My son’s childhood playground is standing idly by. A group of men, barely 20 years old trying to decide how to load it on their trailer. My husband, standing in their mix, directly them on how to load it and how to secure it. They didn’t even know how to adjust the ratchet strap. A young father, just starting his journey with his son. I was a little jealous. I remember racing matchbox cars with my own son down the slide of that play-set. I remember pushing my son in the swing as he screamed “higher, higher.”
Then I saw my husband standing beside that playground protectively securing it so it would make the journey to its new home. He built the whole thing himself when our son was two. He and his dad, who just passed a few months ago, spent hours cutting and staining and hammering the very playground that now belongs to another little boy. So I know this was a bittersweet moment for him too. And then the young father caught my eye. He was grinning from ear to ear and rubbing his hands together like he had won the lottery. He just kept saying over and over how much his son was gonna love this. He just kept thanking my husband over and over and then he waved goodbye.
My husband stood in the yard as it drove away and that’s when I lost it. Tears streaming down my face in the realization that senior year is going way too fast and no matter what I do I can’t stop it. I should have gotten rid of the set years ago, it has been sitting in our backyard as a relic for ages now. But this exact moment is why I didn’t, because it made me acknowledge that part of my life is coming to an end. It’s the same exact feeling I felt when my dad passed and I watched out the window of my mom’s kitchen as someone pulled dad’s old tractor away. It’s the realization of a chapter being closed.
Would I go back if I could? Nope. Because I am so proud of who my son is now and looking so forward to the places he will go next. This stage of life may be closing but all the new chapters that are yet to be written …well I am here for all of them! Each stage of childhood is precious and each one has its own excitement. I am so blessed. Granted, I may have more of a sideline role now but I will always be his biggest fan and I will wait on the bench til he needs an assist. So my backyard may be empty but this mamas heart is full and I am so excited to see what comes next!